Reasons

I'm weird.  It's okay... I've dealt with it.  It doesn't bother me as much as it used to.  In fact, as I get older, it's kind of a welcome blessing that I'm not just ordinary.  It might be more accurate to say instead that I'm dealing with it.  Have you noticed as we get older we lose our sense of imagination?  We have somehow discarded our ability to believe without reason.  Sometimes, even people with an abundance of faith find themselves searching for validation.  They have forgotten what the definition of faith is.  I always attribute faith to the wind.  You can't see it physically.  But you can see it's effects... The trees and how they sway to it, like it's their own personal music.  You can feel it when it moves the air across your face.  You know it's there.  There is proof.  
Intuition.  I have that.  Funny, I make it sound like an illness and truthfully, it feels like it at times.  My strong intuition gives me a sense of the things and people around me.  Not just that they are there... but descriptive details.  How, you might ask, I have no idea.  It can be exhausting because, unlike when I was younger, I'm always searching for proof and reasoning as to why I sense these things and for what purpose.  When your 5, no one accuses you of being crazy for playing with your imaginary friends or talking to your stuffed animals.  No, no,  no...I don't have imaginary friends (they aren't made up anyway..) and I don't talk to my stuffed animals (not all the time anymore, haha).  When you are older all that ease disappears and people tend to conform.  I've conformed to being responsible and trying to be a good mom, and any big decision is always based on that... those were my choices and those people I'm tied to are owed that respect by me.  However, in most other ways, I haven't.  I just don't want to.  I refuse.  I make the deliberate choice to think about life in another way.  What a waste it would be to only think about what I have to do every day...my job, my schedule, my clothing options, what to eat, how I really dislike bad drivers, watch a couple of TV shows, go to bed and repeat the next day.  Sure, I do those things.  But in between I start thinking and all of a sudden I'm experiencing.  
There was a storm today...lightning and thunder, wind and rain.  I walked to the beach to take some pictures.  On the way, it was cold and I drew my jacket in close around me.  Quarter-size drops of rain pelted and stung my face.  I started to conform and think this was a dumb idea, I should turn back...instead I chose to experience it drawing in the brisk air through my nose and feeling the icy rush into my lungs.  I pushed forward, my shoes sinking into the wet sand with each step.  I was tempted to close my eyes and shut out the burn of the wind but I kept them open.  I reached the end of the trail to meet the ocean, roaring in my ears.  The tide was driving in and the waves were intimidating as I ventured closer.  There was no beach to walk on today and I was confined to the safety of the grassy dunes.  It was powerful to say the least.  I wasn't just looking at it.  I was encountering it.  I felt like it was encountering me.  It wasn't just water, it seemed...alive.
It would be suffice to say that the peculiar design of my thoughts is all for a reason.  But I don't need one.  I'm contented to say I'm blessed and anyone who might be sweetened by reading my thoughts, even ever so slightly, are most likely the reasons themselves.
Take time out to experience your life.  I'm absolutely certain there are some who would give anything to experience their lives once more.
Enjoy it.


Love,
T♥