Never Settle..

I can't believe it's February...It seems like it was just September and we were anxiously awaiting the school year to start.  The weather went from mild to having that little bite in the air.  The trees growing tired, dropped their leaves to the ground.  Before we knew it the fall holidays were over, Christmas was here and then the new year.
I don't know about you, but it went fast for me.  It seems like the older I get (in years only, not spirit) the faster life passes me by.  I remember when a month was an eternity - now it's merely made up of 4 seemingly short weeks and feels as though if I blink I might miss it.  I've been apprehensive about this year.  Although 2011 has started quite well and I feel better than ever there is a day looming in the distance that I'm quite unsure about.  It's my birthday.  I will be 35.  35... hmm...wow.
I turned 30 without any trouble, it was a nice birthday and thanks to Drew Barrymore, I learned I could call it 20-10 instead of 30 and it seemed better somehow.  The other birthdays have come and gone and now I'm 34 looking at 35 and wondering what to think.
I know they say age is just a number and it's so true.  I don't feel old and I don't feel like I look it either (at least what I thought 35 would look like!).  When I was 17, I remember thinking of 35 as old.  Old as dirt.  Imagining myself had cut off her long locks, threw on a pair of "mom jeans" and the biggest excitement in her life would be the Mr Clean Magic Eraser and how well it removes "even the toughest grime!".  Thank God that isn't reality, although I do really love that dang Magic Eraser - I have made a point of NEVER wearing mom jeans (personally they should be outlawed.. it's just not right, they don't look good on ANYONE!) - as for short hair well I've done that and have since grown it back out - but it should be said that long hair isn't the "be all end all" and while you think it is at 17, it's not.  Hair doesn't define a woman's beauty - and it's easy to see that some of my most beautiful friends have shorter haircuts, so get OVER it already!!!!
I know some people who are celebrating 40 this year and some who are in between.  For some reason 35 feels different.  I decided before the end of 2010 to take a look at myself and figure out why, if age is just a number, my birthday felt like doomsday!  This is what I found.  
I found that it really just comes down to making my life count.  Making each day worth something.  As I would look around, I see these people just going through the motions.  They have schedules, work, kids, sports, etc.  They do it all and then turn around and do it again the next day.  Some of them do it quietly.  Others complain endlessly.  They don't care about themselves anymore.  It shows in their personal appearance.  It shows in the words they choose to spew from their mouths. It can be easy to do, to get wrapped up in the everyday....if you don't take a minute to look around, by the time you remember to look up your life has passed you by.  You have wasted all this time with your eyes down forgetting to appreciate the simplest things around you.
I am a bit self conscious.  I always have been.  I found while taking that look at myself that it's when I'm doing nothing, that I feel the worst.  It is when I find myself stuck in my schedules and everyday life and I don't look up, so focused on looking down - down on myself, down on the ground, down on the situation...then what happens?  Well, I told you before, it was September and then... it was January.
As much as I have the instinct to fight actual aging with force, it really is just a number.  I have taken steps to better myself physically.  It feels amazing.  I don't think I could truly conquer life in all aspects without being physically strong.  Sure, I could enjoy it.  But why settle?  It does more than shape my muscles and outward appearance.  It clears my mind.  All the crud that settles in there from the day to day gets washed away.  It forces me to take time for myself and helps me to feel good about myself.  If I don't take that time, I am not the best person.  I start to resent everything.  You know that you do it too.. you get mad and tired, feel like you are all alone.. (some of my readers ARE doing this all alone with kids on top of that...such amazingly strong women, you know who you are ) - but we do get wrapped up and bogged down... then before we know it our lives have moved on and we are all standing around wondering what happened.
I'm reminded of a friend of mine who has a tattoo that says "Never Settle".  An amazing reminder, wouldn't you say?  It may mean something different to her and others.  For me, it's a reminder to never settle on being less than who I actually am.  
Time does not stop or even slow down for us.  It moves.  Every hour, every minute, every second of every day.  It all moves at the same speed... an hour is always 60 minutes.  60 seconds is always going to equal one minute.  It doesn't change.  But we can.  It's all in how you use those precious moments of the day that count.  Don't just sit still.  Look up.  Appreciate what you have been given.  Savor it.  


Look up my lovelies, don't miss what may be waiting for you~
♥T

Dear Abby

Dear Abby
Hi.  It's me, your mom.  It's late at night, and I can't sleep.  I started to think about you.  I started to think about all of the time we have had together so far in this life.  You are 11 now.  You are growing up so fast - so fast that I am starting to miss you.  We have been through so many things - a main event happening when you were 2 and you were diagnosed with epilepsy.  No one would know it to look at you, and it's just part of all of the things that make you my Abby.
I miss when you were little and the way you said things.  You used to ask me if everything was "working".  If the TV was on you would ask "is it working?"  Everything from the TV to the hair band holding my pony tail, you wanted to know if it was working.  You always said your v's like b's and vice versa.  You would put your "glubs on the tavel"(gloves on the table)  You called water, "waller."  You liked to make up jokes that made no sense.  Knock Knock, who's there? Snake.  Snake Who?  Snake in the Waller (water).  You were crazy in a fun way.  Tyler was your best friend.  You played dress up and house, you watched Dora the Explorer.  Your favorite color was red.  You never cried.  You learned to read very early.  You wore Clifford jammies.  You had ni-night, your blanket.. ok, you still have "him".  We spent all day together most days.. and we have for all this time.  Now times are changing.
Now you ask me about life and love.  You have straightened out your speech and your b's and v's.  Your favorite things are writing and music.  You also love sports... and if you put your mind to it, you can do anything. You will keep trying until you get it.  Now when you dress up, it's for concerts at school or a talent show event.  Or maybe you are wearing your soccer uniform.  Your favorite colors change from day to day.  You are stubborn and feisty... but warm and loving too.  You know what you want.  And you see the world differently than most people your age.  It amazes me how insightful you are at only age 11.  We don't have as much time for just you and I - between your friends and activities and all the schedules of the day...and it has started to resonate with me that you are growing up.  Really.  Is it possible that this could be wonderful and painful at the same time?
It has been an honor to watch you grow from a child to an almost teenager.  But I'm having a hard time with this.  You won't understand until you have children of your own, just how much you mean to me.  Just how much I love you.  My mom used to tell me this, and I never really understood until tonight.  This very night.
As I sit here and reminisce, recalling you as a young child I think I would give anything to hold you again like I did when you were small.  When I hugged you goodnight tonight, I closed my eyes and imagined it was like it was long ago - and just for a minute I was there.  My prayer tonight is that God will give me the knowledge to know the right things to say and the patience to help you grow further, eventually into an amazing woman.  I think you are already off to a very good start.
I hope you know how truly beautiful you are inside and out.  I love you.

For those of you who know what I'm talking about..
Much love,
T♥